Square Heroes

Alright then; Square Heroes is a thing that exists.

By Daavpuke, Posted 26 Dec 2014

“If you’re an indie developer, don’t make multiplayer games.” That’s what the developer of Gun Monkeys once said, after putting tons of time and effort in their title. Still, projects like Square Heroes pop up left and right. And while these are functional ventures, what little they have to offer is unlikely to be sustainable for long. Why even try without being a length ahead of the competition, really?

Putting its “indie” cred front and center, Square Heroes sports the cheapo visuals of simplistic drawings with equally basic backgrounds. A preset effect here or there changes little to differentiate the flat style used to represent characters and arenas. This brawler isn’t a looker, nor is its level design the most imaginative. Nearly all locations are mirrored platforms, as if someone spent too much time addicted to Smash Bros’ battlefields. If it can also mimic the latter’s gameplay, we’d be in the clear.

Square Heroes,PC,Review

Prior to a round start, it’s possible to choose a loadout of different weapon styles, beginning with a melee attack and transitioning into more potent firepower. Each match, opponents and side monsters can be killed for coins that are used to upgrade to the next item slot. Eventually, it’s possible to get serious stopping power or even auxiliary items that can heal characters and so on. There is, however, a tradeoff where bigger guns also use more of the general ammo bar. A refill can be found at some spots in the arena, both for health and ammunition. Herein lays one of the many problems in Square Heroes.

Item spawn happens in the same spot for each mirrored stage, which means hot zones are always around either health or ammo. There is little tactical play involved, as other areas are void of any content. A monster or two won’t make a difference. Uniform levels also don’t switch up fighting styles, since most space is used the same way. No corridors versus open spaces involved or anything similar; it’s all the same blur.

Making matters sorely worse, Square Heroes isn’t exactly tight on its controls. First off, it doesn’t implement custom bindings, which severely limits the loose keyboard and mouse option. A controller can be used as an alternative, though it gives up a ton of accuracy, as it isn’t blessed with a reticule. With precision gone, gunfights devolve into a spray and pray mechanisms amidst already empty stages. It’s all so void and unfulfilling, so dull, it reeks of a phoned in attempt. Square Heroes does little to titillate its crowd and it’s this throwing in the towel that hurts more than the otherwise presentable effort.

Square Heroes,PC,Review

There is an upside to the fights still. As characters progress in levels, new weapons can add some slight variety. Here, however, the upgrade model is stunted in the fact that new weapons obsolete previous options, leaving low level players with a fraction of their boosted peers. Monsters can drop more coins or they can be used as remote explosives, which serves as some of the only clever nuance in gameplay. Game modes can also alter between either deathmatch or gnome hunt, though those are the only options. In the latter choice, characters must stay adjacent to an artifact to collect it, while fighting off opponents. Gnomes hereby exhibit the same problems as item locations, but as they are randomized, at least it moves the play around. Really, the only saving grace for Square Heroes is that it has artificial intelligence (AI) bots for when no one is online, since no one ever will be.

There aren’t a lot of words to describe Square Heroes, because it just isn’t that memorable. It’s passable, sure, but there’s little merit to be found in that. With a limited scope, run of the mill design and slapdash control scheme, the parts that are enticing to this arena brawl aren’t exactly left shining bright.

Daav Valentaten, NoobFeed (@Daavpuke)