I return to you now at the turn of the tide. A better, faster, stronger version of my former self, equipped with a large stick for hitting anyone who gets out of line. My journey has been long and arduous, but my quest for knowledge kept me on the right path. Now I look to bring all that I’ve learnt here to NoobFeed in the form of answers to your random questions, video game related, or otherwise. Let’s get crackin’.

Didn’t you just steal your opening line from Lord of the Rings?

Umm, no, my work is purely original and anything that resembles quotes from those movies is purely coincidental.

So, NoobFeed admin Craig Bryan took some time off and then you suddenly disappear, are you the Bruce Wayne to Dalf’s Batman?

I refuse to respond to such vicious rumours.

Why do schools not let us have gaming classes?

If I had my way it would be on every learning curriculum throughout the world. Who needs to know how to saw a piece of wood or make the perfect omelette, when you could be training your fingers on gaming classics? Forget King Henry VIII, I want to be learning the history of the Zelda franchise. Unfortunately, not everyone shares our point of view, and while a career in the gaming industry is somewhat desirable; it’s probably a little too niche for some. Heck, if geography is being dropped by many schools across the globe, which I believe to be a majorly important subject, then there’s no hope.

What should I buy this year, Pro Evolution Soccer or Fifa?

Well it all depends on preference at the end of the day. Konami with Pro Evo are focusing on the computer AI aspects of the game, making the computer controlled elements as accurate as possible both offensively and defensively, which in essence will change almost every move made off of the ball. EA with Fifa on the other hand are really pushing their player impact engine, which dictates how players react as they make contact on and off the ball. Of course, both will also throw in more new and exciting things here and there - as is expected from both series’ each year - but for now those are the key points to focus on.

Left: Pro Evolution Soccer 2012, Right: Fifa 12

What does Dalf think about people who waste their time tweeting and updating their Facebook status when they know nobody cares?

You raise a good question and I believe it can be answered with two words – boredom and laziness. Sure there are people who want to express themselves through their tweets or statuses, or gain exposure for certain thing’s, but when you get deep down into it the thing that probably drove them there is a lack of options. It’s also a pretty lazy way of communicating with friends and family, as it is much easier to simply write on somebody’s wall or speak to them in chat than it is to pick up the telephone or go and visit them in any physical capacity. The whole of society is moving that way, where small talk and chit-chat are becoming things of the past. If you think about it, how many modern day situations, besides education and work, are you forced to make contact with people when you don’t have to? Not many.

What is your biggest hang-up of RPGs?

Piñata-like creatures I suppose. What wolves do you know that carry money and potions on them? I find the whole thing rather amusing. Come to think of it, wandering around random landscapes beating animals to an inch of their life is pretty damn creepy in the first place.

I Need GT Cheats.

Sadly there aren’t any easy paths through the game. It takes a lot of time and dedication to achieve any real success from a Gran Turismo game. B-Spec mode is your friend though, and earning money and XP points without having to be near your console is definitely an easy way to progress. The Indy race in the American Championship is a good money spinner, as are the Endurance races, which are best done whilst asleep or out of the house. The only truly difficult parts are the gold trophies for both the licenses and challenges, especially the infuriatingly unforgiving Red Bull ones, but it’s all about finding that perfect lap and shaving precious seconds off of your time through trial and error. Keep pushing and that 100% success you crave will eventually come.

The Everest of racing game challenges

When will we see the next Monkey Island game?

Aside from the remastered special edition bundle pack of The Secret of Monkey Island and Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s revenge, there aren’t any future titles planned at this time. However, creator Ron Gilbert has expressed his desire on multiple occasions to create further entries in the series, so it’s unlikely that the next adventure of Guybrush Threepwood is too far off the horizon.

What do you think is the most annoying game mechanic that constantly appears in video games?

Unfair and/or unrealistic computer AI. You see it in an absurd amount of games and it really grinds my gears. Rubber band racing is probably the worst. You push hard for a lead in a race, only to see the pack drift up behind you; smack you into a wall or off of a cliff face and thus plant you dead last within the space of a few seconds. It doesn’t happen to me of course, because I never lose, but I’ve seen it happen many times to my gaming peers.

If you could only purchase one upcoming game in 2011 what would it be?

Good question. It obviously depends on genre preference and such, but discounting sequels, I’d probably go for Dead Island. It’s described as an ‘open world horror action adventure’ and that alone will already have many sold. It will feature RPG elements, an experience system and a skill tree, as well as a multi-layered damage system that incorporates real-time injuries - so plenty of depth to the gameplay. The game is set for release September 6th or September 9th depending on your region.

If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done?

Given me a headache. Thanks for your questions. Look out for future editions of Ask The Dalf coming to a computer screen near you soon.